The 69 Steps…

What luck, what timing, what a terrible turn of events for your friendly bartender. For just when he thought the world was his oyster ready to slide down his throat in one sexy gulp, the world took the shell from his hand an tossed it away. And what, you ask, symbolically, was on that shell? Well I’ll tell ya’, loveable barflies, I’ll tell ya’.

First off, my long awaited and inevitable knighthood aptly scheduled on the heels of the British Olympics (I’m a scosh English), had to be suddenly called off to the Queen’s dismay. Then my marriage proposal to a Lady of the Court (maybe not quite as inevitable) had to be quickly postponed until further notice. And my recent invitation to St. Pat’s Cathedral where I’m sure His Eminence, Cardinal Dolan, was prepared to mention my name at the height of his sermon, had to be tossed in the ash can along with my hopes. And finally and most disturbing, the defense of my current and coveted crown in the National Marbles Tournament held in New Jersey, from which I refrained this year, had to be sadly forfeited leaving a wide open field and a victory for a sharp-eyed sixth grader.

So, are you starting to see a pattern, dear reader, as to what all these missed opportunities have in common? What, no idea? Well it’s the fact that each of those heralded moments require my kneeling on one or two knees at some point. Which I simply can’t do. For I happen to be “patella non grata” and have been for quite some time, as I recently went and received an artificial knee. A partial replacement. I guess all those years of pacing the mats ensuring your glasses were full and the party kept going, finally took their toll on my ragged left hinge. And rather than look like Chester from “Gunsmoke” (Google it, all you young-un’s) I thought going under the knife was a better way to go.

“But seriously, folks,” as the Borscht Belt comics were prone to say after bombing badly with an intro as I have here, I have been laid up for quite a while which is why I haven’t been blogging (Yeah, Scrib, let’s go with that!) and why I’ve kinda’ been vegging out here in general. Percocet also played a  hand in that for if I did try to blog while under its spell it might come off like a Timothy Leary manifesto. I’m not very good on any kind of drug regardless of whether it’s legal, I’d rather have a Maker’s on the rocks but that’s not a pain killer. So veg out I did!

However, I’m happily rounding the far turn now and heading for the welcome home stretch, and I’m pretty much mobile without the use of a cane. But the hard part remains (ergo the title) before and after my walks, the fact that I have to deal with 69 steps. That’s right 69!!! See I live on the top of a five story walk-up (all right, in the penthouse if you must), and they really have been a bitch for me to negotiate. I’ve thought about hiring a Sherpa guide to set up a base camp in the lobby, who can follow me up the escarpment in case I fall backwards, but try finding inexpensive Sherpas here in Manhattan. Ever since Sir Edmund Hillary you can’t touch ’em!

But hey, I’m rounding that far turn as I said and even though all of those above events will not be a part of my legacy (one doesn’t get a second chance with Queen Lizzy), just bouncing around this city again is reward. Which I intend to do tonight for the very first time. I look forward to seeing good friends again and downing a glass or two, and look forward to doing some blogging again on week-ends.

And as far as my getting behind the stick which is something I haven’t done for over four months, that’s still on hold for now and I sure don’t mind it. We’re still in the process of trying to reopen and until such time you’ll see me on your side of the mahogany. (I’m the handsome guy at the end of the bar in shades who’ll be signing autographs, and showing the ladies his scar to play the sympathy card.)

But before I go I want to say “thanks” to all who have still stopped by despite my disappearing act, and I hope you’ll keep on coming in the weeks to come. But as I mentioned before in a previous post… not tending bar has sorely sapped my Barland update reservoir, so perhaps I’ll write about outside the bar for a while. After all, there was that Pulitzer Prize business that… aw, never mind, you read the papers!

All the best til next time, dear reader,

The Scribbler

19 Responses to “The 69 Steps…”

  1. 1 Paul Cutlip September 14, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Write anything you want I’ll be here to read it. I saw my mom through two knee replacements and they’re a serious pain. Glad to hear you’re recovering.
    (you may know me as paleoprof from previous comments)

  2. 2 scribbler50 September 14, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Paul Cutlip: I do remember you, prof, and thanks for stopping by. And also congrats to your Mom for braving two of these. They really are painful.

  3. 3 Comradde PhysioProffe September 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Percocet also played a hand in that for if I did try to blog while under its spell it might come off like a Timothy Leary manifesto.

    Dude, bloggeing while intoxicated kickes fucken asse!

  4. 4 scribbler50 September 14, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Comrade: Somehow I knew you’d jump on that line with both feet. (Provided you were able to stand once you landed!)

  5. 5 M.Lane September 14, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    Glad to see you are back! I hope your recovery goes very well. Keep writing!


  6. 6 ratso8701 September 14, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    Kept on looking at what I feared were your final entries. “NO!,” I insisted to myself, “he’ll be back.” Sure is good to see you again, and I apologize for ever doubting your return. Looking forward to more of your observations, regardless of which side of the bar you’re on. And if you’re ever in the Charlotte area…

  7. 7 scribbler50 September 15, 2012 at 7:34 am

    M. Lane: Thanks, friend, for all of that, always good to hear from “The Epic” blogger.
    Cheers, pal!

    Ratso: Sorry to give you pause and thanks for keeping the faith. Meanwhile, I doubt I’ll ever get to the Charlotte area but I wish I’d been there to watch the Dems rock the place. Great Convention!

  8. 8 ed September 16, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Seeing your blog appear again is the greatest thing since “freedom fries”.

  9. 9 scribbler50 September 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

    ed: My old and great friend, you finally leave a comment here after all these years, and accidentally send the wrong message. Let me explain…

    See, even though we were laughing yesterday at the ABSURDITY and HILARIOUSNESS of “freedom Fries”… that old and feeble attempt by “the right” to again expand their chests with their hands over their hearts, letting us know what great Americans they are (while ordering a Big Mac which will eventually congeal the arteries leading to said “hearts”)… your comment makes it sound like either “freedom fries” are a great thing thusly complimenting my blog, or a ridiculous thing (as we both know) ergo saying my blog’s ridiculous as well. N’est-ce pas?

    That’s the problem with the written word in both e-mails and blog comments, the lack of voice inflection can sabotages intent. And the sarcasm’s lost.

    Good Lord, I bet you didn’t expect THAT load of baloney on your debut!
    But “welcome” anyway! 🙂

  10. 10 Chris M September 17, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Scrib! Great to see you back at the keyboard, if not behind the stick. My father-in-law, who we introduced to you last winter, is also doing the new-knee jig. What a pain! Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and do keep us posted on when we can raise a glass together. Cheers, Chris

  11. 11 marty wombacher (@martywombacher) September 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Great to see you blogging again and good to hear you’re on the mend. Oh and if you have any Percosets left over, I could help you…dispose of them. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  12. 12 scribbler50 September 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Chris M: Good to hear from you, man, and thanks for the good wishes, I’ll definitely let you know when we can raise a glass. I look forward to it. And while I’m on the subject, please give my best to your beautiful bride. (Can I still say “bride” or have you been married too long? What’s the cut-off?)

    Marty: And great to see your comment again, hope all is going well. As for the Percocet… and since I’m not working at present… damn sure it’ll cost ya’, my man, it’ll cost ya’!!! 🙂

  13. 13 MikeQ September 18, 2012 at 2:34 am

    Scrib, … great to hear you’re recouping! You can return behind the stick as the bionic man, or just spend more time on the other side tipping a glass or two … just write when you can. Your style and wit have been sorely missed on this world-wide web..

  14. 14 scribbler50 September 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Mike Q: I truly appreciate all those kind words (my friend up there in Boston), and I hope all is going well for you at your bar.
    And you keep writing too!!!

  15. 15 Irishirritant September 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    How grand, cool atumnal breezes and you return at the same time, whew.
    Keep up the 5 story therapy, you were sorely missed.
    Enjoy your time in the parallel universe.

  16. 16 scribbler50 September 19, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Irish: Thanks, man, you’re the best… it’s good to be back!

    Cheers, pal!

  17. 17 GregN September 22, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Sorry to be late, but I’d given up!
    Thanks for the update, and remember the “good” 69 to help you up those steps.

  18. 18 Anonymoustache September 23, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Sorry to check in so late, bro….but glad to hear that you are recuperating well. All the very best as always….BTW, “The 69 Steps” sounds like a kick-ass martial arts movie….in which our favorite hero overcomes the odds and uses his new bionic knee to vanquish evil at each step…:-)

  19. 19 scribbler50 September 23, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    GregN: Jeez, whatever THAT means!

    Anonymoustache: Good to hear from you, Bro, and I like the way you think. But I fear the knee would give out on challenge 37. I think he’s the one with the Fu Manchu who guards the six maidens without Fu Manchu’s.
    Welcome back, old friend!

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