“But at least could I have a little kiss?”

Before we begin yet another tale let me first make this point perfectly clear…

For those of you who are still unaware, a drink made “tall” is not going to be any stronger. Unless it’s a “double”. Meaning, someone ordering a “Ketel soda tall” is not going to get more Ketel he’s getting more mixer. Which is the point. It’s a way of slowing things down as you go by diluting the strength of the drink, and not getting high too fast if you’re in for the long haul. Or, if you’ve already had too much it’s a way of hanging in there. That said, here’s my tale on the subject of “tall” which happened this past Wednesday night with this new young couple.

This woman came in and took up a stool, this woman who was absolutely gorgeous in an unglamorous way. All twenty-some years of her. She had dark brown eyes and dark brown hair that was cut like Anna Wintour’s… bangs, silky straight sides at a medium length… but unlike the so called “Ice Queen” this girl was warm. You could see it in the open smile she flashed at the outset. She wore jeans and a short sleeved blouse to go with her smile.

“Do you have a wine list?” she asked after “Hi!”, setting her purse and her iPad down on the bar.

“I don’t have a list by the glass,” I said, “unless you want to buy a bottle, then I have a list.”

“Oh no,” she replied almost blushing (meaning, I couldn’t drink a whole bottle myself), “just a glass of wine is what I had in mind.” And oh how that statement would later be put to the test!

So after rattling off our reds and our whites which we serve at the bar by the glass, she settled on a Pinot Grigio backed by a water. I filled the glasses, set them in front of her, then walked away to leave her to her own devices. And I mean that literally. “Devices” of course being iPad accompanied by a cell phone. And as I watched her doing her sipping and tinkering, talking to someone on her cell phone, I couldn’t help wondering who was the lucky guy tonight. For she definitely was waiting for a guy based on what I heard.

Then finally, after a good twenty minutes of waiting and tinkering, and halfway through her first wine, in walked her date who was not in the least what I expected. Not at all. Barrel chested, barrel bellied, barrel voiced and aggressive as a bull in cow pasture, he seemed like he should’ve been her bodyguard rather than her date. But what do I know? Maybe there’s something indeed to this “opposites attract” stuff. And just by the way they greeted each other it appeared these opposites were attracting for the very first time. This was a blind date!

“Gimme a Ketel and soda,” he said, rather loudly and brimming with confidence, “and put it in a tall glass with a wedge of lime.” Which he followed with a wink.

“Ketel and soda tall,” I repeated, “with a lime.” Then I made the drink and set it front of the young man.

Then a few minutes later, having left them alone throughout that time but seeing that the woman’s glass was now near empty, I returned to the scene and asked if she wanted to have another. Another Pinot.

“Oh no,” interjected the guy with force, “give her a Jack and Coke this time if you would.” They’d obviously made that decision before I got there. “And I’ll have another Ketel and soda tall,” he added.”

“And would you also like it in a tall glass, miss?” I asked.

The guy jumped in again. “Hah! No way a tall one for her, my man, put it in a regular glass because she’s brand new at this.” (And so are you, you dumb ass, if only you knew it!) Then he winked again and both of them laughed at his crack. Both oblivious. Oblivious because her drink would be stronger than his was. As I said, less mixer.

And as the evening proceeded from there, dear reader, so proceeded my concern as to what was going on here. And here’s why. It seemed that every fifteen minutes or so the guy raised his arm behind her, making that circling motion meaning “One more round!” Almost frantically. And each time the woman saw her new drink, which seemed to arrive almost magically, she never once gave me a signal that this was too much. That she was being bulldozed. There was no furrowed brow, no rolling eyes, just a quiet “thank you” and smile as I walked away. Which got me to thinking.

Was she really falling for his act? And did he know that her drink was stronger than his and this was his plan in the first place, trying to turn her into putty so he could reshape her? Which I’d never let happen. But she wasn’t really showing any signs of getting drunk, there were no overt signs of losing it, so I had to do my part and lay down these drinks. Whether I wanted to or not. But when the guy raised his hand for the seventh time, they’d each had six to that point, seeing that their glasses were still half full I decided to go over and tell this guy to slow down. But thank God I didn’t have to. This time the guy was signaling he wanted his check. Which brings me to the good part.

When I set the tab on the bar in front of them, face down because it was large, I watched this guy make his move with some up-close whispering. Apparently to no avail. Because after their cheeks were parted again and whatever the hell he had asked had gotten a response, he pleaded aloud, “But at least could I have a little kiss?” So she pecked him on the cheek and said, “That’ll have to do for tonight.” And I couldn’t have been happier. And the man couldn’t have been any sadder if he’d fallen through the floor. He was utterly defeated!

And it’s not that I don’t like seeing two people get it on when it’s right, to meet and greet and carry their night to wherever, far from it. It’s just that I didn’t like the way this guy went about it. It was obvious, it was wrong and bordered on immoral. And as I watched these two make their way to the door, well over a hundred dollars later, one thought ran through my mind in addition to elation. And that was this. Having one glass of wine and five Jack Daniels, much to this guy’s dismay, this fresh faced “girl next door” could really hold her liquor. And in this case that’s a good thing!

See ya’ next week-end, dear reader, have yourself a “tall” one!