“But at least could I have a little kiss?”

Before we begin yet another tale let me first make this point perfectly clear…

For those of you who are still unaware, a drink made “tall” is not going to be any stronger. Unless it’s a “double”. Meaning, someone ordering a “Ketel soda tall” is not going to get more Ketel he’s getting more mixer. Which is the point. It’s a way of slowing things down as you go by diluting the strength of the drink, and not getting high too fast if you’re in for the long haul. Or, if you’ve already had too much it’s a way of hanging in there. That said, here’s my tale on the subject of “tall” which happened this past Wednesday night with this new young couple.

This woman came in and took up a stool, this woman who was absolutely gorgeous in an unglamorous way. All twenty-some years of her. She had dark brown eyes and dark brown hair that was cut like Anna Wintour’s… bangs, silky straight sides at a medium length… but unlike the so called “Ice Queen” this girl was warm. You could see it in the open smile she flashed at the outset. She wore jeans and a short sleeved blouse to go with her smile.

“Do you have a wine list?” she asked after “Hi!”, setting her purse and her iPad down on the bar.

“I don’t have a list by the glass,” I said, “unless you want to buy a bottle, then I have a list.”

“Oh no,” she replied almost blushing (meaning, I couldn’t drink a whole bottle myself), “just a glass of wine is what I had in mind.” And oh how that statement would later be put to the test!

So after rattling off our reds and our whites which we serve at the bar by the glass, she settled on a Pinot Grigio backed by a water. I filled the glasses, set them in front of her, then walked away to leave her to her own devices. And I mean that literally. “Devices” of course being iPad accompanied by a cell phone. And as I watched her doing her sipping and tinkering, talking to someone on her cell phone, I couldn’t help wondering who was the lucky guy tonight. For she definitely was waiting for a guy based on what I heard.

Then finally, after a good twenty minutes of waiting and tinkering, and halfway through her first wine, in walked her date who was not in the least what I expected. Not at all. Barrel chested, barrel bellied, barrel voiced and aggressive as a bull in cow pasture, he seemed like he should’ve been her bodyguard rather than her date. But what do I know? Maybe there’s something indeed to this “opposites attract” stuff. And just by the way they greeted each other it appeared these opposites were attracting for the very first time. This was a blind date!

“Gimme a Ketel and soda,” he said, rather loudly and brimming with confidence, “and put it in a tall glass with a wedge of lime.” Which he followed with a wink.

“Ketel and soda tall,” I repeated, “with a lime.” Then I made the drink and set it front of the young man.

Then a few minutes later, having left them alone throughout that time but seeing that the woman’s glass was now near empty, I returned to the scene and asked if she wanted to have another. Another Pinot.

“Oh no,” interjected the guy with force, “give her a Jack and Coke this time if you would.” They’d obviously made that decision before I got there. “And I’ll have another Ketel and soda tall,” he added.”

“And would you also like it in a tall glass, miss?” I asked.

The guy jumped in again. “Hah! No way a tall one for her, my man, put it in a regular glass because she’s brand new at this.” (And so are you, you dumb ass, if only you knew it!) Then he winked again and both of them laughed at his crack. Both oblivious. Oblivious because her drink would be stronger than his was. As I said, less mixer.

And as the evening proceeded from there, dear reader, so proceeded my concern as to what was going on here. And here’s why. It seemed that every fifteen minutes or so the guy raised his arm behind her, making that circling motion meaning “One more round!” Almost frantically. And each time the woman saw her new drink, which seemed to arrive almost magically, she never once gave me a signal that this was too much. That she was being bulldozed. There was no furrowed brow, no rolling eyes, just a quiet “thank you” and smile as I walked away. Which got me to thinking.

Was she really falling for his act? And did he know that her drink was stronger than his and this was his plan in the first place, trying to turn her into putty so he could reshape her? Which I’d never let happen. But she wasn’t really showing any signs of getting drunk, there were no overt signs of losing it, so I had to do my part and lay down these drinks. Whether I wanted to or not. But when the guy raised his hand for the seventh time, they’d each had six to that point, seeing that their glasses were still half full I decided to go over and tell this guy to slow down. But thank God I didn’t have to. This time the guy was signaling he wanted his check. Which brings me to the good part.

When I set the tab on the bar in front of them, face down because it was large, I watched this guy make his move with some up-close whispering. Apparently to no avail. Because after their cheeks were parted again and whatever the hell he had asked had gotten a response, he pleaded aloud, “But at least could I have a little kiss?” So she pecked him on the cheek and said, “That’ll have to do for tonight.” And I couldn’t have been happier. And the man couldn’t have been any sadder if he’d fallen through the floor. He was utterly defeated!

And it’s not that I don’t like seeing two people get it on when it’s right, to meet and greet and carry their night to wherever, far from it. It’s just that I didn’t like the way this guy went about it. It was obvious, it was wrong and bordered on immoral. And as I watched these two make their way to the door, well over a hundred dollars later, one thought ran through my mind in addition to elation. And that was this. Having one glass of wine and five Jack Daniels, much to this guy’s dismay, this fresh faced “girl next door” could really hold her liquor. And in this case that’s a good thing!

See ya’ next week-end, dear reader, have yourself a “tall” one!

14 Responses to ““But at least could I have a little kiss?””

  1. 1 Ken September 10, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Ha! Serves the jerk right for trying such a rancid (and obvious!) stunt. That “little kiss”” was more than he deserved. I’m also impressed by the young lady’s ability to hold her liquor. Clearly he is the one who is new at this.

    Great little story Scrib.

  2. 2 Comradde PhysioProffe September 11, 2011 at 7:00 am

    And did he know that her drink was stronger than his and this was his plan in the first place, trying to turn her into putty so he could reshape her?

    I suspect this dude is an experienced date rapist.

  3. 3 scribbler50 September 11, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Ken: I was impressed too by this woman’s capacity. Never a slur, never a teeter, totally in control from Pinot to exit.

    Comrade: Well if he is (which I doubt) he sure met his match when he took on this little miss brown eyes!

  4. 4 Pharm Sci Grad September 11, 2011 at 11:52 am

    I appreciate the education on the “tall” drink – there are a few bars (with some heavy handed bartenders) where that will come in handy!

    I’m also quite glad to see this ended well – it bothers me how badly it could have gone. CPP called it. It must be infuriating to watch and not be able to do a damn thing about it. I can’t imagine.

    I really wish there were less males like that in the world (I refuse to call them men). I’m glad we’ve got guys like you, Scribb, to make up for the rest! 😉

  5. 5 scribbler50 September 11, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Sci Grad: Thanks, my friend, nice of you to say that. And yeah, I know some Irish guys who tend bar and they think they’re doing you a favor by doubling down on a tall glass which defeats the purpose. If I wanted a double I’d order one, right?
    See ya’ next week. 🙂

  6. 6 Greg September 11, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Great story, as always and like every one else who chimed in, glad it had a happy ending! Cheers.

  7. 7 Anonymoustache September 12, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Haha! Good for her, and serves the guy right! As bartender, I believe I would have made an ‘honest’ error and kept switching their drinks…in content, not in appearance….hey, anyone can make a mistake, amirite? 😉

  8. 8 physiobabe September 12, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Bravo for her! I like the way you take care of your customers, Scrib; the things you notice and the way in which you handle yourself. If this girl was in trouble, I doubt you would have stood by and let them leave the bar together. Right?

  9. 9 scribbler50 September 12, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Greg: Well at least it was a happy ending for the part that I saw. Let’s hope it stayed that way.

    Anonymoustache: You’re half right, my friend. I did after four drinks kinda make hers a little weaker, but unlike your suggestion for his drink I kept it the same. The last thing she needed was for him to get drunker. Faster! (Great minds think ALMOST alike!)

    physiobabe: You’re half right too, “Babe”, and here’s why. See I couldn’t very well prevent them from leaving the bar together, regardless of her condition, because they were after all a date and they were getting along, just not in the way he hoped when the game was over. So the key for me was to not let her get drunk in the first place. Tricky stuff.
    (What, no Italian this week?)

  10. 10 everythinginbetween September 13, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    so disturbing – what a horrible man! She was lucky she had an observant bar keep looking out for her in case things did go awry.

    on a more shallow note, I do like to order a tall drink now and then because I weirdly and probably incorrectly think not that it is stronger but it keeps the carbonation of the mixer more fresh, which is what I prefer. I feel I can have one drink last much longer if it’s in a tall glass.

  11. 11 scribbler50 September 13, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    everything in between: Not shallow or incorrect at all. It’s one the reasons to go “tall”, it makes the drink go further and last longer. Which was my opening point.

  12. 12 Ken September 14, 2011 at 9:08 am

    The guy was a creep, but he wasn’t a serious “date rapist.” I knew guys like him in college where the victims were more numerous and more willing. Haven’t seen that myself since grad school days. It’s almost quaint.

    The real committed rapists use drugs on top of the booze. My wife gave me a little seminar on that one night. as she was almost a victim herself one night way back when.

  13. 13 scribbler50 September 14, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Ken: Oh I completely agree, he was far from a date rapist, this was just a guy trying to move things along a little too quickly. Who’d met his match. Like the guy who says, “Buy those girls down the end some shooters on me,” trying to loosen things up. If anything, he was an amateur of the first water whose ship had run aground.

  14. 14 JSaw November 3, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Hey Scrib – long time, so making my way through some older postings.

    Thanks for the tip about the tall drinks. Have never heard that before but would really help me out on those nights that seem to get away from me…

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