Mea Culpa…

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” (Lord Tennyson… circa 1850)

“‘Tis worse to have written and stink out loud than never to have written at all.”  (Lord Scribbler… circa 2011)

And I stand by that…

Sorry you’ve come all this way, dear reader, seeking a witty pour, but your friendly bartender simply has come up dry. For which he apologizes. He’s been working all day on a doughy mess he’s tried to knead into shape, but each time he peeks in the oven the thing looks half-baked. Or forced. And simply not what he’d like to add to his oeuvre. (Oh wow, talk about half-baked, where do I get off using the word “oeuvre”? I apologize again!)

The story had to do with a customer I had who was not only rude and a joke, but sporting a tan from a bottle and hair from TV Land. That’s right, a full-blown, shoulder length, puffed and sprayed, pole cat brown, Marlo Thomas “That Girl”. Which makes his a “That Guy”! And if you don’t know what that means, you youngin’s, Google Ms. Thomas and her show and you’ll get the picture. (It’s bangs and a flip at the ends where hair touches shoulder.) And as if that wasn’t enough of a joke… the hair, the tan and the attitude… the man was packed in a floor-length, black leather coat. Try that on for size in spring-like weather!

But that’s all there was.

Other than the fact that I slapped him in line (verbally, of course) at the outset, for trying to order his drinks from twenty feet away, which turned him to marshmallow (“You’re right, man, I dig, man,” followed by a fist bump), the story offered very little else beyond that. Which I tried to manufacture. And which stunk. So I harken back to my sentiment above… better to not write at all than to serve up bullshit… and just picture if you will that sight I described, a ridiculous white guy who went full Mayan, sporting a Marlo “That Guy”, packed in a black leather Luftwaffe performance in May, and let that be enough. Do you mind? And I’ll try to pour you a perfect Manhattan next Saturday.

Til then, “Cheers” and have a good week!

(“Oeuvre”? Good grief, what gets into people???)

20 Responses to “Mea Culpa…”

  1. 1 Paleoprof May 14, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Loved this . . . I would pay my students MONEY, real legal tender to just admit it when they’ve got nothing rather than blather on. Take care Scrib


  2. 2 jc May 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    I guess I’m kinda glad SprayTan Man didn’t develop into something worse, like LeatherCoatWearingInSpring Asshole.

    I hope he left you a tip.

  3. 3 Ken May 14, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    We all have weeks like that, Scrib. You never have put any lame material out there.

  4. 4 scribbler50 May 15, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Paleo: Hah! From your keyboard to your student’s ears, tell the truth or don’t say nuttin’ at all!
    Thanks, Doc.

    jc: He did turn out to be an asshole (given his appearance how could he not?) but he did leave a decent tip when the show was over. He had to, it’s part of the “look at me” image.

    Ken: Thanks, Ken, you’re too kind.

  5. 5 Anonymoustache May 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

    I don’t know, Scrib, your post still has a certain je ne sais qois…I mean, you managed to still put together something….I guess that’s your savoir faire at work…;-)

  6. 6 scribbler50 May 15, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Anonymoustache: Thanks, Frenchie, I mean… merci, Francois, God knows I tried!

  7. 7 Pharm Sci Grad May 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    It’s been one of those weeks for you too? 🙂 Sometimes the truth hurts, but I think it’s a good default – thanks Scrib. Cheers!

  8. 8 Comrade PhysioProf May 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Dude, writing about having nothing to write about is the oldest blogger trick in the book!

  9. 9 MikeQ May 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Scrib, you’re always entertaining, thoughtfull and thoughtful. . . and funny, even as you claim not to be.

  10. 10 scribbler50 May 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Sci Grad: Cheers to you too, my friend, here’s to a better week.

    Comrade: Though I wasn’t doing it intentionally, I guess I’ve joined the ranks of the tried and true. Ya’ got me!

    MikeQ: Thanks, Bud, I appreciate the words and the visit. Have a good week behind the stick.

  11. 11 Jennifer May 15, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Sounds like a lotta look!

  12. 12 scribbler50 May 16, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Jennifer: You have no idea.

  13. 13 Irishirritant May 16, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Now if he had the Mr. T starter set around his neck and cheesy watch and multiple rings…THEN he would have really gotten you going.
    Brandy, Man, lemon twist if you would be so kind.
    Thanks again

  14. 14 physiobabe May 16, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Have a drink on me, Scrib. We’ll be here next week waiting for you.

  15. 15 scribbler50 May 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Irish: He didn’t need those things, he was already tres bizzaro.
    PS: Love “Mr. T starter set”!

    physiobabe: Thanks, bella, I’m ordering “top shelf”. See ya’ next week-end!

  16. 16 Chris May 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Mind? Hell, no. Everyone deserves a free pass from time to time.

    And, anyway, “a ridiculous white guy who went full Mayan” is a fine turn of phrase.

  17. 17 The Hornet May 17, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Your character studies alone are often sufficient, Scribbler, especially in a place like you work, where the characters are surely a significant part of what makes the job worthwhile and interesting. From your description, I picture someone resembling the Euro-lookin’ guy who writes on the white board in those UPS TV commercials. Close?

  18. 18 scribbler50 May 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Chris: Thanks, but an easy phrase to compose if you had seen him.

    Hornet: Forgive my drawing a blank but I don’t recall the ad. But thanks for your kind response.

  19. 20 scribbler50 May 17, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Hornet: Aha, gotcha! I kinda thought that’s who you meant but UPS guy looks so sane compared to the gargoyle I had that I dismissed it. I’m talkin’ Halloween scary here, painted brown and packed in floor length leather.

    Thanks for the link.

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