“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” (Lord Tennyson… circa 1850)
“‘Tis worse to have written and stink out loud than never to have written at all.” (Lord Scribbler… circa 2011)
And I stand by that…
Sorry you’ve come all this way, dear reader, seeking a witty pour, but your friendly bartender simply has come up dry. For which he apologizes. He’s been working all day on a doughy mess he’s tried to knead into shape, but each time he peeks in the oven the thing looks half-baked. Or forced. And simply not what he’d like to add to his oeuvre. (Oh wow, talk about half-baked, where do I get off using the word “oeuvre”? I apologize again!)
The story had to do with a customer I had who was not only rude and a joke, but sporting a tan from a bottle and hair from TV Land. That’s right, a full-blown, shoulder length, puffed and sprayed, pole cat brown, Marlo Thomas “That Girl”. Which makes his a “That Guy”! And if you don’t know what that means, you youngin’s, Google Ms. Thomas and her show and you’ll get the picture. (It’s bangs and a flip at the ends where hair touches shoulder.) And as if that wasn’t enough of a joke… the hair, the tan and the attitude… the man was packed in a floor-length, black leather coat. Try that on for size in spring-like weather!
But that’s all there was.
Other than the fact that I slapped him in line (verbally, of course) at the outset, for trying to order his drinks from twenty feet away, which turned him to marshmallow (“You’re right, man, I dig, man,” followed by a fist bump), the story offered very little else beyond that. Which I tried to manufacture. And which stunk. So I harken back to my sentiment above… better to not write at all than to serve up bullshit… and just picture if you will that sight I described, a ridiculous white guy who went full Mayan, sporting a Marlo “That Guy”, packed in a black leather Luftwaffe performance in May, and let that be enough. Do you mind? And I’ll try to pour you a perfect Manhattan next Saturday.
Til then, “Cheers” and have a good week!
(“Oeuvre”? Good grief, what gets into people???)