“And what can I get you, Madam?”

“Judge not lest ye be judged,” a famous Healer once said, then a few years later “Va-va-va-voom,” was stated with equal profundity (Art Carney’s Ed Norton on The Honeymooners)… so with both of those quotes in mind let us proceed.

I had four or five at the bar on this night, a week ago Wednesday to be exact, and the mood of the place to say the least was somber.  The kitchen had already shut down, two or three lingering tables were alive to keep the waiter from dozing, and your friendly bartender was working the remote to see if a better game could make the time pass. But then all of a sudden time stood still and clearly not just for him but the whole damn room.

For as this woman made her way from the door to the bar not only did thirteen heads do a near Linda Blair deal, swiveling to follow each step as she crossed the room, but even I feared I would have to alert my chiropractor. Simply and without equivocation, “Va-va-va-voom!”

Now I realize I sound like an ogling fool or the hard hat who whistles at every short skirt near his job site, but contrary to popular belief, dear reader, I am, after all, only human, and what this woman was wearing confirmed that fact. It was downright unfair.

She had on heels, snow white, skin tight, jersey slacks that in truth seemed more like leotards (they ended I think at mid-calf), an extremely low-cut, matching top which struggled for all its might to house its constituents, and just as a flirty bonus above to round out this fresh ensemble, a white felt hat that was cocked at a rakish angle. This was show girl, show stopper, and just what this dull night needed to bring it alive.

Now of the two guys who had come in with this woman (whom I barely noticed at all), one I knew and one I’d never seen before. So Mike, the one I did know, a recent acquaintance whom I’d met at our bar who’s an excellent online boxing journalist, took the lead and introduced me to his friend Andrew. And then Andrew did the same for his friend Snow White.

“Say hello to Kristin Davis,” he said, “she’s running for governor of New York. And I’m the guy who’s running her whole campaign.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, quite shocked. “Well she certainly has my vote,” I added, taking her hand and bowing ever so slightly. (I’m quick like that, dear reader, quick with a line I mean, I once responded to “How ya’ doin’?” with “Just fine!”)

But then soon thereafter everything got kind of clumsy.

“She’s also the Manhattan Madam,” said Mike, “for that famous escort service, the one where Elliot Spitzer got in all kinds of trouble.”

(Gulp!) “Oh yeah?” I said again (I told you I was quick), but then where to go from there I hadn’t a clue. On the one hand I wanted to act tres cool as though what she’d done was as benign as selling Mary Kay products, but on the other I wanted to act like a Yenta and ask who the fuck was tucked in her little black book. But stammering now as to which way to go I settled on neither approach, I asked instead what the three of them wanted to drink.

Mike ordered Jack on the rocks as I recall (like any good journalist should!), Andrew went Captain and Coke, while the star of the show ordered Malibu rum with pineapple juice. Then I served the drinks and walked to the other end. But looking back at this brand new trio, especially Kristin and Andrew, I couldn’t help thinking, My, how the times have changed. Here’s a former Madam at the bar who is running for governor of New York, and next to her sits this very young gun whose job it will be to advise her enroute to that end. And I mean young. Wearing jeans and a tight black t-shirt, sporting a soul patch under his lip and a Popeye Doyle perched on his head tilted forward, Andrew looked less like a political strategist and more like maybe a boxer Mike should be writing about. But looks as we know can deceive (for him and his comely politician), for as the night wore on and we talked a lot more I found this Andrew to be sharp, he knew his politics inside and out no doubt.

So when I returned to the trio in waiting (and a bit more prepared as to what the hell was going on now), Ms. Davis and I got into a discussion about prostitutes. But not the ones who work in hotels but the ones who abound in Albany, and every other capitol and state in the whole damn union. We talked about how they prostitute themselves, sell out to the highest bidder, and all the bullshit and hypocrisy afoot which is propagated by all the moralists… particularly the ones who shout the loudest… the very ones whom she said headed up her client list. It was a fascinating discussion but, alas, it was all too brief.

Because Kristin Davis didn’t stay very long, I don’t think she finished her drink, and just like that my time with the Madam was up. She apparently had to meet a friend at this time so she bid us all adieu, turned and created a relapse of Linda Blair syndrome. But since I did have a lot more questions to ask, to find out more about her, I decided after she’d gone to weigh in with Andrew. I poured him and Mike a fresh drink then began my inquiry.

“Okay, Andrew, what’s up, man? What’s really going on here? She knows she can’t win the governorship so isn’t this just a fifteen minutes of fame thing?”

“Absolutely not!” Andrew replied, vehemently. “She’s serious… very serious. She’s running on a freedom platform, an anti status-quo kind of thing exposing all the hypocrisy, and from a fiscal and moral standpoint, she wants to legalize and tax prostitution and marijuana. This isn’t a joke or a stunt, she wants to be heard. And if we at least get her on the ballot she will be heard.”

Well later that night I did more probing but this time on mighty Google, which more than confirmed Andrew’s take on what she’s about. And I was impressed. She was valedictorian of her high school class, worked for ten years in finance (vice president of a successful hedge fund), she started from scratch her escort service from which she became quite wealthy (and for which she did time on Riker’s Island while Eliot Spitzer did nothing but land a talk show), and now she’s decided to turn her life around. Act Three, if you will, in the play that is her life.

Now I’m not going to give my opinion, dear reader, as to what Ms. Davis wants to legalize (bartenders like to stay neutral, play it down the middle), or whether this is really folly and all about publicity, but I will give my honest opinion of the woman I met. She was confident, articulate, unassuming in spite of her look, she knew whereof she spoke on the issues and she’s definitely one to be reckoned with wherever life takes her. Now of course she won’t win the governorship but there’s certainly no crime in that, she’s already done her crime and paid a good price. And as far as her past is concerned in the present.. how New York should perceive her … all I can say is “Judge not lest ye’ be judged!” Oh, and “Va-va-va-voom!”

Mike and Andrew stayed til the end, we covered all kinds of topics, Tony regaled us with stories from the past and a night that was destined for Dulls-ville ended up worth it. As of course it should’ve. And it proved once again that you can’t judge a book simply by how it is covered, even if it is covered in “skin tight white”!

Over and out from Bar-land… see you guys soon!

By the way, I’m taking next week off, my friends, so two weeks from now this Happy Hour starts anew. Enjoy the holiday!

15 Responses to ““And what can I get you, Madam?””

  1. 1 Ken August 29, 2010 at 7:41 am

    I’m working on a campaign for a candidate for governor of our state. (First time in 20 years!) He might actually win. But so far, nothing that interesting has happened in our campaign. That is some bar you preside over!

  2. 2 JaJa August 29, 2010 at 9:23 am

    Always interesting in Barland, Scrib.

  3. 3 blue girl August 29, 2010 at 11:09 am

    “she started from scratch her escort service from which she became quite wealthy (and for which she did time on Riker’s Island while Eliot Spitzer did nothing but land a talk show)”

    I think about her every time I see Spitzer’s mug. And not in a good way, I can tell you that.

    I can’t wait to hear what all she has to say.

  4. 4 blue girl August 29, 2010 at 11:11 am

    Oops, that came out wrong. I meant I don’t think of Spitzer in a good way. I’d rather not have to see or hear from him again after the raw deal Snow White received.

  5. 5 physiobabe August 29, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    She sounds quite interesting and most certainly will have a lot to say.

    Although Spitzer was definitely set up (conspiracies abound), I’ll never understand why she had to take the fall yet he went free.

    Have a great week off!

    *Smooches* uomo dolce.

  6. 6 scribbler50 August 29, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Ken: Good luck with your campaign, friend, and yes… it IS some bar over which I preside. You just never know who’s gonna walk in the door.

    JaJa: Interesting to say the least, thanks for stopping by.

    blue girl: I got what you meant the first time, the Spitzer mug is what sets you off in a bad way. Not for nothin’ but I think you have some company in that department. Especially female! And yeah, it’ll be interesting to hear Ms. Davis if she gets a platform.
    Later, blog buddy!

    physiobabe: Thanks, bella mia, I SHALL enjoy the break. See you in two weeks.

  7. 7 Anonymoustache August 30, 2010 at 5:59 am

    Fascinating, Scrib50.
    And as for a platform, she should take her message online in as many ways, and in as much detail, as possible. You’d be amazed how much traction that can get.

  8. 8 JSaw August 30, 2010 at 10:11 am

    Scrib -being a political partisan, I was wary about commenting as the bomb-thrower I am on political boards is completely out of bounds on your fair blog.

    It was interesting to hear about Ms. Davis’ actual background, instead of the caricature that her most recent profession would lead most of us to believe.

    But I have to say that if she is really serious about this run, perhaps a more — dare I say it — “demure” get-up would help her to get the message across. From your description, it sounds like she may have a common sense approach that is badly needed in Albany, but all that is drowned out by the choice of “skin tight jersey slacks”.

  9. 9 JSaw August 30, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Oh — also loved, Loved, LOVED the subtle double entendre in the title of this weeks post. Genius!

    Can’t wait to see what you have for us in 2 weeks.

  10. 10 scribbler50 August 30, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Anonymoustache: Good advice, but I would imagine they’re already doing that. As I said, this guy Andrew who’s handling her is pretty sharp.
    Thanks, Bro.

    JSaw: Speaking of the title (and thanks!) I was actually going to say that when it was time to take her order, but instead I went with, “Kristin”, didn’t want to come off as an obvious wise ass.

    Meanwhile, as far as her dress is concerned, you make a good point. But she is who she is and when she’s out on the town I guess that’s how she wants to look. Sexy. I’ve seen her on TV though, in an interview with Chuck Scarborough for one who stumbled all over himself as one of his questions carried a double entendre, and her look was (as you dared say) “demure”.

    And to further my point of “she is who she is”, this observation was made in an article I read… there are no skeletons in this woman’s closet, period! It’s all right there on the table. Unlike with some of these other clowns whose laundry get’s hung out to dry when it’s too damn late.
    Thanks for your perspective, J, helpful as always.

  11. 11 d-a-p August 30, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    …as always a great read…but a really nice perspective on something highly unusual…not the prostitute part…the straightforward and honest political part….

  12. 12 scribbler50 August 30, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    d-a-p: Hmmm… honesty in a politician, what a novel idea!

    Thanks, as always, for checkin’ in, old friend.

  13. 13 gc_wall August 31, 2010 at 2:04 am

    What bugged me about Spitzer also bugged me about Clinton. How the hell do otherwise intelligent men lose sight of their name, reputation, career, and effect on their family? Clinton should have known that a young woman would not be able to keep secret that she had oral sex with the president of the United States. Spitzer had a different problem. Like Rod of Illinois fame he was a rising star in the Democratic Party. At some point in both of their political lives they were considered potential presidential candidates. Magically or coincidentally both of their private phone lines are intercepted by the F.B.I. Who put the F.B.I. on their trail?

    Both had a barrage of accusations that grew in repetition and depth of depravity over a short span of time. Both men were accused and practically declared guilty by the media long before their day in court. A republican led legislature and the Chicago Tribune forced Rod out, before it was known whether his behavior was no different from that of other politicians with the exception that his private conversations were recorded. Elliot Spitzer stepped down due to humiliation and guilt. When Spitzer went to court the charges were dropped, because the “john’s” charges are commonly dropped. The trumped up charges of money laundering and in an illegal business relationship with the escort service were such garbage they never came to court. Never-the-less two potential democratic leaders were suddenly and unequivocally dispatched with the help of the F.B.I.

    An Alabama democratic governor was put in prison on charges drummed up at the insistence of Karl Rove. A DoJ attorney was assigned the task of getting rid of the governor. The major newspapers in the state and a judge who should have recused himself piled on to put the former governor in prison. It wasn’t until his story came to light due to the valiant efforts of Scott Horton that the former governor was released from prison. The scheming of the judge and the prosecution, and a misinformed jury were questionable enough to command his release. The former governor planned to sue, but haven’t heard or read a thing about him since his release.

    Now we have Maxine Waters and Charley Rangel on the chopping block. Rangel referred to the coincidental timing of his hearing, because the hearing date kept being put off as the mid-term elections draw near. In this manner Rangel said that he is not being given an opportunity to clear his name and admit his mistakes right before the election. It does not matter if the accusations are true or false as long as they are kept in front of the public prior to the upcoming election.

    When one reflects of the similarity of pattern in all five cases is it possible to believe that it is simply fate, destiny, or coincidence. The F.B.I.’s mission is to uphold the laws of the federal government; it is not supposed to be a tool of a particular political party, philosophy, or individual leader. If the political culture within federal law enforcement has lost its way by throwing its loyalty behind leaders of a particular political persuasion, all the agents should be fired and replaced with new people committed to upholding the law without being available for favors to a particular individual or group. Loyalty to principles behind a free and representative government should stand above loyalty to men, because men are corruptible, and to assume otherwise is naive’

    Sorry, about all that, but the people behind this type of corruption of a government agency for political purposes should not be allowed to laugh among themselves while patting each other on the back for playing a good game. Instead, they should be serving the homeless in a food line.

    A round for everyone in the house, with a word of encouragement to the sensible, no nonsense, business woman in the sprayed on white pants. Va va voooom.

  14. 14 julia August 31, 2010 at 4:30 am

    I agree that Ms. Davis got a raw deal. Sex workers generally do, compared to the people who purchase their services.

    That said, you might want to google the lady along with Roger Stone. Snow White does not travel with Mr. Stone, and Ms. Davis decidedly does.

  15. 15 scribbler50 August 31, 2010 at 9:18 am

    gc_wall: First off, no apology necessary for giving us “all that”. I really appreciate your thorough response and it certainly gives one pause as to what’s been going on. I’m not much of a political guy so I never connected those dots, but that said and if your theory holds water, being handed a ladle and pointed toward the soup kitchen also seems unfair… they deserve worse!
    And thanks for that round for the house… “cheers” back at ya’.

    Julia: I know this sounds like a cop-out (which it is) but as the old saying goes, “Politics makes for strange bedfellows” and I guess it always will. Thank you though for bringing that to our attention. (And I love, by the way, how you worded your last sentence. Touche’!)

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