Excuses, excuses…

I’m sorry, dear reader, but the bar is temporarily closed for this week’s Happy Hour.

Now I’d like to say (given the subject of last week’s post) that we’re closed for major repairs and renovation. You know… like sandblasting the walls, repainting the ceiling, and switching to plastic flowers to go in the entryway, but that just wouldn’t be true so I dare not say it. That incident occurred a few months back and we’ve long since been up and running in redolent splendor.

And I’m also tempted to say here (in way of finding an excuse) that age-old favorite, “The dog done ate my homework,” but that would also be false and a baldfaced lie. For the only “dog” I have this week is the Browns who are getting ten points against the Ravens. No four-legged kind.

And last but not least (to assuage my guilt) a part of me still wants to throw out this little gem, “I forgot.” But given the fact that my beautiful memory is always as sharp as a…

… aw, man… what’s the word I’m looking for? Hang on a sec…

… oh, right… tack! Yes, tack! So given the fact that my beautiful memory is always as sharp as a tack, how could I honestly say that I forgot? I couldn’t. So I have to fess up.

See, it’s like this, dear reader… I had a semi-week from hell, my creative juices had turned to vapor and now I sit here with blanks and a bright red face. That’s it… period!  No mysteries. So in way of a little payback, not to mention a lame explanation of how I got here, instead of our usual romp through Bar-land let me at least leave these words which I’ve placed in a poem. Okay? I mean that way I haven’t sent you away empty handed.  So make yourself a cocktail (obviously I can’t) and here we go…

Yes, your friendly bartender sits here / Quite fearing he’ll get no more “hits” here / As he hasn’t a tale / With which he can bail / His sorry ass out of the pits here.

So why, you may ask, is he late then / Having nothing to unseal his fate then / Was he out on the town / Downing drinks like a clown / And therefore not feeling so great then?

Well part of that theory is true / He did have a cocktail or two / After ending his shift / He let himself drift / To a bar for some late derring-do.

But it wasn’t to get himself wasted / Or as some like to say “to get pasted” / Just freely unwind / From toil and grind / To feel that sweet ease and to taste it.

But besides all this easing and drinking / He also was hell bent on thinking / To spring forth a thought / To end this blog drought / To keep him from critically sinking.

For often when sipping and musing / He’s found that it’s more than just boozing / It’s a trip through his mind / Where he’s likely to find / A story that’s ripe for his choosing.

Yes many a post has he written / metrically chewed off and bitten / After thoughts in a bar / Did carry so far / As to purr the next day like a kitten.

So last night was not an exception / As he sat there awaiting conception / Of a tale he could tell / With bluster from hell / To amuse in the art of deception.

But conceive he did not, sad to say / He laments on this  grey blog-less day / That thought he could choose / To rightly amuse / So it’s better luck next week, okay?

Thanks for stopping by.

Over and out from Bar-land… I promise the taps will be running full bore next Saturday.

22 Responses to “Excuses, excuses…”

  1. 1 JSaw November 14, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    Not one poem, but NINE limericks… love it. Gosh if other epic poems were written in limerick form I could have gotten through the Iliad in college…

    There once was a woman named Helen…


  2. 2 Anonymoustache November 14, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    If that’s your “I got nothing”, then you are truly turning into the Tiger Woods of blogging, dude. You beat 99% of the field with your fucking ‘C’ game!
    BTW, you’re a poet/if you didn’t already know it.

  3. 3 jc November 15, 2009 at 2:40 am

    Maybe we can all chip in a rhyme?

    Barland was humming the usual schtick / but lights were dimmed and chairs put up real quick / Scrib’s gotta run off / like KITT with the Hoff / he hit Turbo Boost Behind the Stick!

  4. 4 Toaster November 15, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Oh how the bile doth sear
    As it conjures a stream of strong tears
    For us poor unregaled
    Neither hearty nor hale
    For no story has this week appeared

  5. 5 Comrade PhysioProf November 15, 2009 at 5:43 am

    Dude, that’s as fine a member of the “no blog post” blog post genre I’ve ever seen!

  6. 6 physiobabe November 15, 2009 at 8:33 am

    So, that’s the best ya got, huh? Christ, Scrib, that’s better than most so-called “A list” bloggers. Seriously.

    Ciao, amico (a nice, easy interpretation for you today).

  7. 7 scribbler50 November 15, 2009 at 11:02 am

    JSaw: Love the concept, the Iliad in Limerick. In fact I was trying just now to continue from where you left off but all I got to rhyme with Helen is “Felon” and “Melon” (fascinating possibilities though they are) unless I George Bush-ify (God forbid) and drop the final g’s as in tellin’, dwellin’ and jellin’. I don’t know though, “Helen dwellin’ and jellin’ and clearly not tellin'” somehow doesn’t have that Hellenic ring to it. I toss the ball into the court of future commenters.

    Anonymoustache: Thanks, Dude, no false modesty but I was just trying to fill out the page. These ditties somehow come easier to me than the other stuff I write about. Glad you enjoyed.

    JC: I love it! Glad I managed to awaken your inner poet. Hah, while exhuming The Hoff, no less, it doesn’t get any poetically campier that that. Great “schtick”! Thanks, JC, as always.

    Toaster: Same goes to you, Sir, glad to have nudged the rhyming muse within. Well done! And thanks.

    Physioprof: And that’s as fine a member of the comment genre as I’ve seen. And you managed to say it without cussing no less! I’m honored, Dude.

    Physiobabe: “Grazie” and “ciao amica” back at ya’. (Hey, I’m getting pretty good at this stuff, maybe I should put on some Dean Martin music in the background.)

  8. 8 Comrade PhysioProf November 15, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    And you managed to say it without cussing no less!

    Yeah, I fucking forgot!

  9. 9 isisthescientist November 15, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    How the hell did you write an entire post about not being able to write a post?

  10. 10 scribbler50 November 15, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    I don’t know, dear Isis, I guess if you just keep writing stuff happens.

  11. 11 Donna B. November 15, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Damn, I wish I couldn’t write the way you can’t.

  12. 12 brenda November 15, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Brilliant. F’ing brilliant. I mean, if this is an off-day. Scrib. I wish I had more like them.

  13. 13 d-a-p November 15, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    the “poetic” side of y.f.b. was well worth the effort…
    even had you chosen to use a “best of”, as great as they all are, the poem more than held its own….good luck with the “redecorating”…
    p.s. i’m partial to dark red leather booths…o.k.???
    just a thought…..


  14. 14 scribbler50 November 15, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Donna B & Brenda: Thank you very much for the kind words, I guess it’s sometimes good to get back against the wall.

    d-a-p: Thanks, Bud, but we’re not decorating. Sorry about that, we shall remain wooden tables with checkered tablecloths. (But I get the red leather booth reference. The Old Smoke House in L.A., eh?)

  15. 15 Jennifer November 16, 2009 at 10:06 am


    Hey… sometimes the magic works and sometimes it doesn’t… I’ve found that when it appears to be missing, just showing up can unveil something unexpected. Looks like you got that.

    Thank you for showing up… slacker… 🙂

  16. 16 Scicurious November 16, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Pour a drink for our charming host
    Whose blog, full of stories, doth boast
    “With this record, don’t deny a do-over
    recovery from blog-induced hangover,
    For next week he’ll be back with the most!”

    Sigh…I’ll try for a better one after more coffee…

  17. 17 scribbler50 November 16, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Jennifer: “Thank you for showing up, Slacker”. You’re welcome, you multi-tasker.
    But you’re right, friend, sometimes it really is about “just showing up”. Stuff happens.

    Scicurious: No more coffee needed, I loved it! And I love that you and some others have added rhymes to these comments. We’re forming The “Alive” Poet Society!

  18. 18 d-a-p November 16, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    i knew you weren’t really remodeling…but it felt so good remembering those dark red booths under the “S”

  19. 19 siobhan November 17, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    I kept waiting for you to write, “That’s all I got,” and instead, you write a perfectly entertaining essay AND epic poem for your lucky readers. Not bad for an off day!

  20. 20 Tx Expat November 17, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    I’m with Siobhan, I was expecting dead air then was thoroughly entertained by poetry. Salut, sir!

    Now if you could just show up in my neck of the woods and work your writer’s block magic on my opus I would…well I dunno what I would do, maybe take a shower and clean the living room?


  21. 21 scribbler50 November 18, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Siobhan: What’s that saying… “Necessity is the mother of invention.”?
    Welcome back from your trip, my friend.

    Tx Expat: No problem, I charge fifty cents a word and I don’t do windows! We’ll talk about copyrights down the road.
    Thanks for the “Salut”.

  22. 22 nadine November 20, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    Even when you have nothing to say, you say it well. I am comitted to this writing class on line. I was going to Ireland for 2 weeks and did a nothing lesson for the time I would be away. I got a bad mark. I don’t care. I was not interested in doing a ‘How to” article which I never intend to write in my entire career. I wish I could use the f word that you use so often. I love what you write, keep on even if you do not write nothing. Your nothing is much better than a lot of somethings I have read.

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