In Defense of Bloggers!

At what point does a person strike back, your friendly bartender got to thinking, at what he perceives to be an attack on his reputation? And when is enough “enough!”, he wonders, as he continually watches himself wrongly represented and cruelly painted by the brush of the mainstream media?

Well, according to this blog, now is fucking when, for how many times can a blogger turn the other cheek?

See, since your friendly bartender has taken up blogging he’s noticed how often his ears perk up when he hears the word “blogger” mentioned on TV. Hey, they’re talking about me, he thinks, I’m now one of those guys, I wonder what they have to say about us bloggers? Well here’s what they’ve had to say and too damn often…

“He’s a blogger… you know, some guy in a pair of pajamas sitting in his mother’s basement with a desk, a keyboard and a pot of coffee!” Like we’re a bunch of fucking Bolsheviks waiting for our Lenin. And what the fuck is up with these goddam pajamas? It’s always the pajamas! And the way they say “pajamas”, with that curled up lip and pinched in nose, it always puts a picture in your mind of those nasty, old fashioned, striped monstrosities with stains in the front from too much exuberance and stains in the back from too much coffee not to mention a leather slippers image with the backs of those slippers broken down out of sheer slip-in sloth.

Well YFB takes massive umbrage at this image and here’s why…

On February 21st, when I penned “What are the odds?”, I wore a stunningly chic pair of Bill Blass loungers with gold satin piping on the sleeves and lapels and “YFB” boldly emblazoned on the left breast pocket… a far cry indeed from those old grandpa stripers. And though my slippers did not have backs, that was by design as they were those black, velvet,  Peter Lawford slip-ons which also boasted a nifty “YFB” inlay. And if Cotes Du Rhone ’99 can be called a cup of black coffee, I beg to differ with you!

And also looking back to a day, December 27th to be exact, when I wrote “This one’s on me”, bathed in seasonal cheer and the holiday spirit, I was clad in my crimson-red Santa Claus jammies with the snow-white angora trim, the legs of which slid into like-trimmed black leather booties. And if Bailey’s Irish Cream mocha garnished with cinnamon sticks and marshmallows is anything close to a cup of black fucking Maxwell House, I’ll eat my Santa hat!

And on March 28th, feeling quite bold and tres outdoorsy as I tried to convey the perilous “Pheasant under ass!”, Ralph Lauren’s line was dragged into service where a knee-length, Khaki-colored safari affair more than fit the bill and the prevailing mood. Even the go-with slippers… what one might rightly call an indoor desert boot… possessed a certain, “Where the fuck is my spear?” And if squirting hearty burgundy down my throat from the belly of a goatskin bota bag is anything remotely akin to sipping stale Yuban, I’ll fall on that spear!

And though I’m loathe to share this last one (yet ever mindful that “transparency” is the watchword in blogging), on January 11th, when I  tip-toed into what I humbly call an online attempt at poesy with “Rhyme and Punishment”, realizing that working with Erato would involve a submergence ever so deep into my feminine side, a pink, satin, backless penoir was slid into rather reluctantly along with some backless high-heeled slippers, each of which sported a white fur ball at the toe. And the tart Moet mimosa I sipped made the concept of a cup of Taster’s Choice (how you say?) yucky!!!

And there you have it, dear reader, those are just four examples I’ll use to state my rebellious case, as there exists an example for all of my blogs to which none is attached black coffee or striped fucking PJ’s. And as far as “sitting in his mother’s basement”, as those pundits are wont to say, I’ll have you know that these very words are being typed by your friendly bartender in his lush penthouse aerie on the upper eastside. All right, all right… so it’s a one-bedroom on the top floor of a five-story walk-up… but it’s still on the highest floor and I assure you there isn’t a parent or grandparent nigh.

And one more thing that gets me… every time I… (woops, I just realized Lord and Taylor’s is running a one-day sale on silk smoking jackets… gotta run!!!)

Over and out from “Blog-land”, see ya’ next week-end!

PS: We must never speak of this “penoir” business again.

21 Responses to “In Defense of Bloggers!”

  1. 1 Isis the Scientist June 13, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    I always blog in my “pajamas.”

    Then again, I always sleep in the nude.

  2. 2 scribbler50 June 13, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Which rules out blogging in bed… obvious conflict of clothing, naughty Isis!

  3. 3 leigh June 13, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    hey, i wrote about 80% of my dissertation in my [laughingly curls up nose] pajamas. so they’re associated with academic achievement too.

    motherfucking [curls up nose] tv pundits. “tv pundit” should be used as an insult, if you ask me… which is why i don’t pay for that crap to be piped into my home. [actually, i’m just broke, and teh internets are sufficient distraction to my dissertation-revising activities.]

    take ‘er easy till next week, scribbler 🙂

  4. 4 Mike June 13, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Listen – I have blogged while under the influence of strep throat, or a cold or the flu. Let’s see a TV pundit do that.


  5. 5 Pieter B June 13, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    I don’t think I’ve owned any pajamas for at least three decades. Guess I’m not cut out to be a blogger.

    When I visit my honorary grandchildren I bring along some lightweight drawstring pants and a few t-shirts in case I have to wander about in the middle of the night, but that’s as close as I get.

  6. 6 physiobabe June 13, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Someone should come out with a line of “blogger jammies”. They’d make a fortune.

    Good one, Scrib!

  7. 7 scribbler50 June 13, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    physiobabe: Now THAT is using your thinking cap, I love it! Get to the patent office immediately and don’t forget to give Scribbler his ten percent.

    Peter B: I don’t wear them either, that’s my point!

    Mike: I’m with Leigh, TV pundit is practically an oxymoron.

  8. 8 Anonymoustache June 14, 2009 at 6:50 am

    I should admit that I run a fleet of blogs, none of which are actually written by me. I outsourced the shit a long time ago—a bunch of overworked, underpaid minions are typing away furiously, as we speak, in some hovel in India or China, and my fabulously attired blog personae present the material straight off the blogoprompter on various blogs.
    For my most popular blogs, I just buy canned content from Associated Blogs or United Blogs Intl or Bleuters, and hire attractive mindless parrots to be the blog figureheads and mindlessly spout prepackaged opinion pieces as news. Most of the fucking people cant tell the difference—you wouldn’t believe the traffic, and the ad revenue is fucking awesome! Of course, I make sure none of the content ever reflects badly on any of my many sponsors even though some of them are fairly despicable, and often criminal, corporations.
    Anyway, the point is — it may very well be that the fuckers who produce this outsourced and canned content for me crank out the shit while in their PJs and in their moms’ basements while drinking stale coffee–for what I pay them, I doubt they can afford much more. So the bubble headed beac—errr….doyens of news at the mainstream media may have a point. Now, I gotta get back to my underaged boys and falafel orgy….where the fuck did I put the vicodin…..?

  9. 9 jc June 14, 2009 at 7:51 am

    For kick ass writing, I obviously need to get me a pink satin penoir. I had to google that, it’s a chemise! I don’t want to know, scrib. Don’t want to know. But my shoe budget has just been diverted.

    The only reason why I wear my giraffe slippers while writing is because I tend to walk all over my drafts and notes and the slippers minimize the crinkle damage.

  10. 10 d-a-p June 14, 2009 at 9:53 am

    it just feels so good knowing what goes on behind the scenes…
    by the way a pair of those “peter lawford slip ins” just sold for 500 bucks on e-bay…hey a bargain’s a bargain…
    great job..see ya next week…
    a.k.a d-a-p

  11. 11 scribbler50 June 14, 2009 at 10:24 am

    Anonymoustache: You are a marvel! Your comments each week (due to length and content) almost qualify you as a co-writer of this blog. That said, a clothing catalog is on the way so we can try and coordinate our blogging attire henceforth. (Are you allergic to corduroy?)

    JC: Don’t feel bad, I had to Google “penoir” too when I wrote that. I knew I’d heard the word, knew it sounded sexy, but wasn’t exactly sure what it was. I’m now in therapy!

    d-a-p: You’re probably the only one of my readers who could relate to a Peter Lawford reference. So that Bud was for you! Thanks for checkin’ in.

  12. 13 scribbler50 June 14, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Hmmm… that’s surprising, Prof. See I somehow saw you in some kick-ass, semi-khaki, semi-camo, semi-military bush shit… circa Che Guevera.

  13. 14 Donna B. June 14, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    Photos. I’m not believing a word about your blogging attire until I see photos! Actually, I don’t really want a photo of the Mar 28 ensemble. That one is scary.

    I’m not too sure that using transparency as an excuse to blog about your penoir is such a great idea either. At least it didn’t do anything for the mental images this post prompted.

    Even though it’s a bit early, I’m off for some alcoholic mental hygiene now. Cheers!

  14. 15 scribbler50 June 14, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Donna B: There’ll be no photos as there is no wardrobe. And yeah, I probably should’ve left that penoir thing out but I am nothing if not a whore for a cheap laugh. And “cheers” to you, may that early cocktail erase the mental image you now hold of me.

  15. 16 Jennifer June 14, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    a pink, satin, backless penoir was slid into rather reluctantly, along with some backless high-heeled slippers each of which sported a white fur ball at the toe.

    I love it! It take a confident man to sport the mules!

    I’m guilty of blogging in t-shirts that have been slept in, but that can disguise themselves as “painting shirts” during the day.

  16. 17 scribbler50 June 14, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Jennifer: No, it takes a crazy man to “write” about sporting the mules. This may take a while to live down!
    Welcome back.

  17. 18 Anonymoustache June 14, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    I thought the penoir bit was seriously funny! Also, you never have to live down good humor dude….just to live up to it!
    Also, “allergic to courduroy”…are you kidding? I’m a willlld and crrrazy guy.
    Anyway, I think you are being a tad generous with the co-writer compliment, man—you prepare and serve the seven course meal and then compliment me for belching after consuming it!

  18. 19 Donna B. June 15, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Ah, the mental image I hold of you, dear Scrib, is of the highest virtue.

    Except for how you might somehow mix that spear and penoir thing… could be fun, ya know?

  19. 20 scicurious June 15, 2009 at 11:30 am

    There IS a line of “special blogging pajamas”, at least, if you define “pajama” like Sci does:

  20. 21 scribbler50 June 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Good research, Sci, go for it!

    (Damn, there goes my ten percent!)

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