Rhyme and Punishment!

Much like when a song keeps playing in your head and you can’t stop it, (“Bye, bye, Miss American Pie / drove my Chevy…” A-I-I-I-I-E-E-E-E!!!), your friendly bartender is experiencing today another form of brain lock… that dreaded condition R.M.A.S. (Rhyme / Meter / Ad Nauseum Syndrome). Or at least that’s what he thinks it is, else how do you explain these words he’s written below…

So he woke up this morning melodic / in a state one could call damn near odic / which is better than days / awakened in haze / hung over, pissed off or neurotic. But what does he do with this feeling / this lighthearted rocking and reeling / this urge most sublime / to make up a rhyme / before he goes right through the ceiling?

“Why the answer is clear, Scribbler 50,” says Erato, his muse oh so nifty. “Write a poem to a pal, or an ode to a gal, and with feeling don’t dare to be thrifty.” (Hmmm, don’t have a gal right now… a pal would have me arrested if I wrote him a poem… ah, geez, I… whoa!… what’s that, Musey? What did you say? Did you say, “Why not rhyme a tribute to your fellow bartenders?” Geez, that’s a capital idea, Musey, capital! And maybe that’ll release me from all this meter and rhyming going on in my head. I’ll get on it immediately… (er-ah, excuse me)… we’ll get on it immediately!)

The Tribute:

So here’s to my fellow bar tenders / who deal with their own elbow benders / who pour out the juice / that makes them feel loose / in hopes of creating big spenders.

I’ve set out to give you some props here / by testing my poetry chops here / to take off my hat / to here go to bat / and say that you’re one and all tops here.

For your job is a lot more than pouring / than schmoozing and boozing and scoring / you’re a part-time psychologist / full-time mixologist / master in bullshit adoring.

So let me break down who you are there / you two types who fill up a bar chair / you’re the temp on the way / or the lifer to stay / different but both on a par there.

Now to those who just do this for fun / as a gig ’til your real life ‘s begun / let me bid you take care / to treat this job fair / with class and you’ve already won.

For no job’s worth doing that’s small / and each has it worth overall / whether pouring a drink / or fixing a sink / it’s a brick in that unfinished wall.

So then when they’ve made you a star / when talent has taken you far / you can say with a wink / “You know what I think? / I learned how to act in a bar.”

And now to the others I speak / those brothers and sisters who seek / not their names up in lights / or to reach corporate heights / who do this each hour, day and week.

You’ve not fallen short as some say / or settled for less on the way / you’ve chosen to do / what your heart says is true / feeling pride at the end of the day.

For think about all this entails / each night as you ring up those sales / you’re a shrink, you’re a chum / you bring cheer where there’s glum / you regale with your stories and tales.

There are times of course when it’s work / as you deal with the consummate jerk / that guy who will test you / do damnedest to best you / then tip like a post office clerk.

But he’s the exception not rule / this Bar-land ridiculous fool / as most of your regs / are not of the dregs / and make your job worthwhile and cool.

So to those who are in this for fun / or in ’til the end of the run / I toast to your health / your bliss and your wealth / this tribute is over and done!

Phew!!! Glad that’s over, how was it for you, Musey? Want a cigarette? Now maybe your friendly bartender can at least say “hello” to someone without the urge to follow it up with “fellow”, or “mellow” or “yellow” or… ah… “bellow” or… um… “Jell-o” or… oh, ah… A-I-I-I-E-E-E–E-E-E!!!!!

PS: My apologies to any postal workers I might have offended out there, but I needed a word to rhyme with “jerk” and you’re the only “clerk” I could think of. So please, don’t go postal, man!

11 Responses to “Rhyme and Punishment!”


  1. 1 White Trash Academic January 11, 2009 at 10:34 am

    Sweet rhymes!! You should consider rapping as a second career. My favorite “master in bullshit adoring.” Check that flow!

  2. 2 scribbler50 January 11, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Thanks, WTA, gots to get me some gold chains first and bartenders we all don’t make no money like ‘dat!

  3. 3 RSCWarren January 11, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    That’s a ton of word-ology,…I didn’t know all of that was inside of you. But then again….you are the master of “Ode – Ology”….Sr would be proud!
    Great job!

  4. 4 goosenyc January 11, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Awesome rhyme….awesome blog!!!

  5. 5 Isis the Scientist January 11, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Scribbler, you are like the Shakespeare of the bartending blogosphere. Keep up the fresh rhymes, blogfriend.

    And when you are ready to start writing “odes to a gal,” I will happily serve as muse.

  6. 6 scribbler50 January 11, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks, Isis, and what a muse you’d be!

  7. 7 Stephanie Z January 11, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    That, Scribbler, was a thing of awesomely weird beauty.

  8. 8 Comrade PhysioProf January 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Masterful, dude! A good bartender who takes pride in their work brings much happiness to many people!

  9. 9 scribbler50 January 11, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Thank you, Stephanie Z, and thanks by the way for putting me on your blog roll. My “awesomely weird” self is most grateful.

  10. 10 Anonymoustache January 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Dude,
    That’s pretty damned good, and the life lesson contained therein is priceless.

    I wanted to say that in rhyme,
    But I possess not the skills sublime,
    Parsley sage rosemary and thyme?

    Fuck…. Tapped out by line 3.

    Anyway, awesome post.

  11. 11 leigh January 17, 2009 at 12:44 am

    hey, rhyming wisdom. that’s pretty cool. if only that made it easier to get it through people’s heads 😉


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