“The Lady Doth…”

If you have a drinking problem, just shut up and drink. Don’t throw out some lame diversion which only manages to place you under a microscope.

The “specimen” I refer to is a gal I used to serve who, instead of just ordering her drink would go through more histrionics than the silent film star great, Clara Bow. First she would plop herself down with extra hard ploppiness (“Man am I beat!”), next she’d let out what meteorologists would call a Category Four Sigh (“What a day I had!”), and then, after your friendly bartender has handed her her Ketel One and grapefruit, say, “Boy am I gonna enjoy this… first one of the day!!!”

Excuse me? Who says that? One having her fourth of the day or someone saying, “This will be the first of many.”

If I can paraphrase The Bard here, “The Lady doth (attest) too much methinks.” I mean, this is like asking a serial killer (not knowing he’s a serial killer) if he happens to have the time and him saying, “What’s the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t even own an axe.”

I’ve often wondered if Lady “specimen”, when she threw out one of her diversions, could see in the mirror behind me all those rolling eyes to her left and right. But whether she saw them or not, every day she encored the same performance.

Hey, just drink, Baby, or don’t drink if that’s what to do… but save the song and dance for summer stock. No one’s judging you, unless you make a statement that creates a jury.

FYI: I only made $249,999.00 last year so I’m voting for Obama.

5 Responses to ““The Lady Doth…””


  1. 1 White Trash Academic November 3, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    Ketel One and grapefruit juice? Doesn’t sound very appealing to me but I do like Ketel One!

  2. 2 scribbler50 November 3, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    Trash… vodka and grapefruit is common drink called a Greyhound. If you salt the rim of the glass it’s called a Salty Dog.
    Later, Dog

  3. 3 chris November 3, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    a gritty,descriptive,slice of late afternoon life…
    good job scribbler!!!

  4. 4 GooseNYC November 3, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    So true a story that is….love it!!!

  5. 5 Alice in Blue November 15, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    Ah – comparable only to the sort of chap who plops himself down in a pub, orders up his beer in ringing tones, receive it and takes a sip before loudly smacking his lips and generally behaving as if he has crawled for 28 hours, on his belly, over red-hot coals, to reach this oasis. Typically accompanied by, “Good pint, that” when it is scarcely above pondwater and lukewarm at that. Particularly irritating when this is obviously someone who spends his day, sitting in a car or behind a desk – as opposed to some thirst-inducing occupation like operating a jackhammer and being subjected to concrete dust.


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