Red, White and Blue…

So I’m thumbing through the New York Post making my way to Sports, when what do I see jumping off the page but a picture of David Caruso almost smiling. You know, the guy who almost never smiles… that actor who found a second career after jumping ship from his first, on NYPD Blue, half believing he was James Dean destined for bigger things, only to fall on his freckled tookus til CSI Miami threw him a script, a pair of sunglasses, and apparently Clint Eastwood’s voice coach from the Spaghetti Westerns. To comical yet preposterously popular results. But I digress. David’s picture was just a grabber (it grabbed my attention, didn’t it?), simply because the man happened to be a redhead. That’s right a redhead! For the title above his picture read, NYPD ‘RED’ ALERT’… Hair-Bias Warning, and David seemed to be the perfect poster boy.

Here’s the Alert… “An anti-bias message went out this month to Manhattan sergeants and lieutenants, who were told that redhead harassment would not be tolerated.” Translated… no more disparaging words to the amber coif set, or a lawsuit could ensue.

And why, you ask, would this be a topic of interest to me? In other words why is your friendly bartender taking the time here? Because I, dear reader, was once what you’d call a redhead. That’s why. Or to put it in the verboten, I was a carrot top! And though my hair has gradually darkened over the years and I’m pretty much in the clear, I still can feel the pain these cops are suffering. And I can’t stop laughing. Because this is political correctness directly from Mars. You know, the “red” planet?

I mean did a cop actually go one day and complain about this to his sergeant, that one of those mean I-talians called him “Red”? Or worse, “Carrot Top”?  If so, a portion of New York’s Finest is now it’s Wimpiest, it’s politically correct-est. Which makes me wonder how Erik Thorvaldsson would’ve handled this. Certainly not this way…

“Oh, Halgor, Halgor, would you please tell that Sven to please lay off. He just called me ‘Red’ again.”

“But you’re Erik The Red, for crying out loud, why shouldn’t he?’

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Never mind, keep rowing.”

No, no one would’ve given old Erik any guff, as red as that bastard was, or soon they’d have found themselves overboard swimming back to Iceland. As well they should’ve been. So in honor of all the great redheads we’ve known (myself and Erik chief among them) I’ve put together this list to bring back some pride: Thomas Jefferson, Lucille Ball, Vincent Van Gogh, Red Barber, Red Skelton, Woody Allen, Maureen O’Hara, Napoleon Bonaparte (yeah, crazy Nap), Greer Garson, Danny Kaye, Winston Churchill, (no, not Carrot Top), Red Grange, Galileo, Mark Twain, (still no Carrot Top), David Bowie, and Elizabeth I to name just a stellar few. And the list goes on…

So to those who suffer from red, white and blue… that’s red hair, white skin and feeling blue ’cause you have them… buck up, old chums, you come from pretty good stock.  And to those on the New York Police Department who deal with some of the toughest crime in the country, and who have red hair, surely a little carrot cake ain’t gonna’ hurt ya’.

See you soon, dear reader, I’m off to paint the town red!

13 Responses to “Red, White and Blue…”


  1. 1 Thomas Fitzsimmons April 23, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Good stuff. Posted it to Facebook, as usual. ;)

    T

  2. 2 scribbler50 April 23, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Thomas Fitzsimmons: Thanks, Bud, and you being an ex-cop I’m glad you took no offense. In fact a “semi-red” ex-cop at that!

  3. 3 Comradde PhysioProffe April 23, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Although my hair is brown, my beard is pretty red! And no one has ever called me “Red”!

  4. 4 scribbler50 April 23, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Comradde: I’ve seen your rage and they were wise no to do so. :)

  5. 5 JaJa April 24, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Love your take on red,white and blue in the last paragraph. funny post, Scrib.

  6. 6 scribbler50 April 24, 2013 at 11:40 am

    JaJa: Kind’a gives new meaning to Old Glory, eh?
    Thanks, JaJa!

  7. 7 Irishirritant April 25, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Red Schoendienst, who helped the Milwaukee Braves in 57 – Killed the Yankee streak…
    Much like the other red whities I know, that first big sunny day sure turned them pink.
    Nice observation…red herring by the sensitive officers perhaps.

  8. 8 scribbler50 April 25, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Irish: You’re not going to believe this but I had Schoendienst on the list but I took him off, I thought no one would know who he was. Thank you, man, and shame on me!

  9. 9 Anonymoustache April 28, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    Great stuff, as usual, Red50….:-)
    And to put out your temper that I just fired up (stereotype is as stereotype does…mea culpa), I’m gonna call on the spirit of Red Adair!

  10. 10 scribbler50 April 28, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    Anonymoustache: Hah! Good one on Red Adair, I wasn’t “reddy” for that one. Nice to see you still have your gift for words.
    Cheers, Bro.

  11. 11 Alex Gregg May 3, 2013 at 2:23 am

    My Wife takes time and money for her red hair. Let’s not forget all the beauties with carrot tops…Lucy +++

  12. 12 scribbler50 May 3, 2013 at 8:26 am

    Alex: Did you read the whole post? Lucille Ball (or “Lucy”) is the first “beauty” I mentioned and the second name on the list after T-Jeff. Not to mention Greer Garson and Maureen O’Hara. And while we’re on the subject, let me add these names of more recent vintage… Julianne Moore, Laura Linney, Marcia Cross, Julia Roberts and just to “round” things out, Christina Hendricks! There. Have I gotten your heart started this morning, old friend?

    Or should I have gone Rita Hayworth given your age? :)

  13. 13 Alex Gregg May 6, 2013 at 12:12 am

    Must be brain dead, how the hell did miss the end ? My humble apologies. In any event , nice job again ! By the way of all the redheads you mentioned with the exception of Rita , Lucy was the best looking , the I love Lucy show did not do justice to her looks. Her early movies show just how beautiful she was . :)


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